Holly's Art, Doodles, and Other Stuff

she says

Date Posted: April 15th, 2018, 12:41 pm

Author Notes

would you look at the time a class starts anew
time for the 45 minutes
of bliss with her

take a breath
walk to her table
holding a box
nails and a hammer

it’s her, another, and i

mindless building
crafting our works
quiet glancing and
looking at her

she says “can you hold this?”
hold the box in place
a startled blink
before I say “sure”

a subtle touch of fingers
holding it steady as she
hits the nails in
and the moment is over

simple small talk
simple laughter
work slows down
as we simply chatter

singing just for fun
to playfully pester another
another time she asks for help
another time I oblige

and then the moment is shattered
as he comes over

pleading her to tell her a secret
of who likes him

I would have snorted
at the thought of one liking him
but there’s for some reason
something in me sinks

she laughs and yet tells him nothing
when he leaves, annoyed
the other girl begs her to tell
and again she snickers as she gives useless hints

“she goes to our school” she says
“she has seen a tissue before”
“she has eyes, a mouth and a nose”
and the other groans with a smile

“up top” she says
holding up her hand
tentatively I high five it
and she laughs again

he comes again
pissed off and demanding an answer
she denies again
and I say “do you know what it’s like?”

he says “yes” while rolling his eyes
I say “she has the right of privacy”
“would you want the person to know?”
and he smirks, a cocky grin

“yeah” he says
“I’ve told who I like that I like
them, and we always got together”
and with that the arrow is shot

“you bastard” I say, but the
insult is halfhearted
and he continues to ask for
the answer, the secret

he leaves and the other keeps asking
hit your hand
hit your hand with the hammer

they say, simply beckoning

...

and I obey silently
a sharp flash of pain
I cry out both in suffering
and as a cry for attention

the other says”oh my god!”
she says “are you ok?!”
“I’m fine” I say
lying through my teeth

more minutes pass
and his words sink in
worthless idiot
she’ll never love you


I let out a small groan
my head resting on my box
i stay there for a while
alone with my mind

she says “holly? are you ok?”
and this time I say
“no, not really”
she says “what’s wrong?”

“nothing, it’s stupid” I say
as I look away from her eyes
her eyebrows furrow and she says
“why would it be stupid?”

a temporary loss for words
and i sigh gently as I say
“it’s stupid, I’m just jealous” as I stare at the hammer
“how it’s so easy for some to just get in a relationship”

she’s quiet for a couple seconds
as if I pried open her mouth and stole
the words from her mouth
she looks at me with a hint of pity

and she says “I’m sorry”

“no, it’s fine” I reply softly

why
did she say she was sorry
it doesn’t make sense
this doesn’t make sense

shut up
can my mind just shut up
for a second
is there an off button

oh, sorry, no there isn’t

it’s wrong
I shouldn’t be in love with her
it’s not right

ha

im not right

class is over
I leave quickly
not bothering to look back
and I’m left alone again
me and the demon
inside my head


***
lol I can’t poem

oops

Ok, so I’m fine rn I just wanted to vent lingering feelings from Friday

Uh...yeah

love you all <3

Comments

I just-

I don't know what to say to this
except
I know how you feel

Every time I walk in the halls of my school
And I see two people showing off their love, flaunting it
I feel tons of envy towards the guy

And then when I love someone, but they love someone else
Or worse yet, they're IN A RELATIONSHIP with that someone else
Every time I see that
I just
I crumble
I feel depression taking over

I haven't gotten to the point of hurting myself over it yet
But I have been venting privately


I'm sorry for all this, Holly
But I want you to know
I'm here for you
We'll both get through this
@thebradyiceeevee02: thank you brady ...<3

firstly please do NOT hurt yourself or ever try to resort for that

I don’t know, that’s really hypocritical of me, but I’m trying to do it less
key word trying

secondly, you can vent to me whenever you want
and I’m sorry you feel like that

jealousy sucks
@HollyTheFluffyCat: Thanks <3

Whenever stuff like that happens
I think things like "If only you knew..."

It doesn't help that I don't like expressing my feelings IRL
Or that my friend Manuel only likes professional relationships
Or that my other friends Anton and Cambot make it look so easy to talk to girls
<333
Thank you for posting this.
@WildfireK: your welcome WiFi
<3
Let no doubts block you,lead you,stop you from getting to the hope that you wanted to get.Things will not go well when you doubt something you should do.Except when you have a bad feeling,then I guess it's safe to say that you can doubt it.
@Darvin: thank you <3
@HollyTheFluffyCat: You're welcome.
@LightEclipse: yeah it sucks :(

and oh :o