Holly's Art, Doodles, and Other Stuff

a breath (shit poem made at midnight)

Date Posted: June 23rd, 2018, 11:29 pm

Author Notes

i take a breath
bracing myself
as i see her
painted in my memories

the same soft tawny hair
gentle gray eyes
warm smile and
demeanor

its all the same
its all repeated

memories and memories
of times that are better

i close my eyes
i dont want to
think about her

i dont want to
worry about her

i dont want to
worry about this

i shut it out
out of fear
and go back
to hiding in the
dark


***


i take a breath
a ragged breath
as tears pour down
my cheeks

grating thoughts are
screaming, yelling
the truth about me
about who i am

she triggered it
my mother
from the too sharp
words that pierced
me and broke me

i turn everything off
reach for it
but then hesitate out
of fear and the truth

i curl up in the corner of the bathtub
wanting nothing more
than to take a last breath as
the pain pierces my brain
....
after 2 minutes, the
breakdown seems to have
ceased through the tears
marking the floor below

the pain seeps out
leaving only a empty husk
i get up, look in the mirror
disliking the person that
seems to stand before me

i take a breath
and walk out



***



i take a breath
as i see a battle
before me
words written and
deleted within seconds
everything pushes me
closer and closer to snapping

somehow, the echo seems
to just blame it on me
like always
but the anger seems to
speak louder this time

and i hold my breath

i write out a response
close my eyes

as regret pierces me

you shouldn't do this
you should learn to stay
quiet, learn to keep silent
and fucking do nothing

nobody cares anyways


i take another breath
sharper one

i should stop listening
but its the truth at this
point of time

i hover over x
....

and then click submit

i breathe out
and then breathe in

it doesn't help
but i'm starting to speak

i took a breath in
and took a breath out



***



i take a breath
and let out a subtle
sigh of annoyance

a meeting with a
somebody over my
first school year in
the new school

i know him well
hes nice and funny
a pretty cool teacher
but the last thing i
want to remember is
school and her

we start talking
its basic at first
mindless answers
but then he starts
on the topic of math
and grades

how i cant get better
if i dont even try to
get better in math
and that saying i "suck
at math" will get me no
where in the subject

something seems to
grab onto my tongue
my mouth tastes metallic
and i feel the familiar
prickle of tears

he struck a nerve
and he doesn't seem to
notice that he did
he keeps going
and going
and FUCKING going

he doesn't notice
probably he doesn't care

until a stray tear works
its way out of my eye
i grit my teeth and
narrow my eyes

mom goes outside to
get me some water
or something
while shes gone
he starts the questions


i take in shuddering breaths
as he asks if it has to do with
school, family, and then
he asks if it has to do with myself

a silent nod
just a response

he asks if i'm still going to therapy
forced out the truth, that no, i
haven't been there for a while

i don't miss it at all, i hated the
atmosphere, hated the lies i spoke,
hated the person i'd become

and with that
i shut off
not externally
but internally
my soul withers
and falls like dying
roses, gone
and forgotten

i take a breath
and rip apart the tissue i had in my hand




***



i now take a breath
today is the day
i make change

that i force myself to
try to be brave

i will make it
and if i don't
i can say that i tried

i can have a fresh start
i wont mess it up
i wont listen to the echo

i'll be alright
or as alright as
i can be without
my friends through
the screen

i'm taking a breath
and maybe now i can finally

let it all out

Comments

I think this is pretty ...
Good job on it!
The way it wraps up does make me happy, in a odd way ...
Regardless
You did great on this!

It might be all I can do, right now maybe, but I wish you the absolute best!
@#403: thanks dude
:O

yeah i tried to be consitent with the breath stuff

<3 again thank you
you're amazing
<33333333333333333333
@Guest: thats a lot of hearts

XD

but seriously, thank you <3
It doesn’t rhyme
@Guest: poems don't have to rhyme lmao
Sometimes we have to remind ourselves to breathe.

Never stop fighting, Hollyo♡♡♡
@WiispNightmare: late as heck reply but thank you wisp <3

oo hollyo, thats a first :o
@HollyTheFluffyCat: yo yo hollyo
Heheh

Seriously tho this was pretty
Even though it was kinda angsty
But kyek I have no room to talk
@WiispNightmare: XD


thanks, this was probably one of the only semi decent poems ive posted
and honestly what about me isn't angsty XD
oof
@HollyTheFluffyCat: angst is angsty what can I say

PFFFT my poems are like 90% trash so that's a better ratio
@WiispNightmare: angst angst angsty angst


lIES YOU HECC
your poems are good and rhyme and shit and are well paced
@HollyTheFluffyCat: a n g s t


Okay but did you see WiFi's thing
It's so complicated
I just rhyme the last word XDD